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The Angelus - A Prayer that Freezes Time
By Nick Radovanovic
A number of science fiction stories feature an amazing little gadget, usually in the form of a stopwatch, that freezes time. The protagonist of the story can push a button, and all the people will be frozen in mid-motion, leaving the protagonist free to do just about anything while time is frozen still. An episode of the Simpsons featured just such a stopwatch. Such a device is purely fantastical, of course, but I occasionally witness a phenomenon which bears a striking similarity to the conditions described. It occurs late in the afternonn, inevitably when I'm shopping for groceries at any branch of the Metro chain of supermarkets, in the Philippines. I'll be scrutinizing a pack of tomatoes, say, when all of a sudden the muzak is interrupted with a chime, and a fervent but muffly voice comes on the public address system. Apparently this voice - a deep North-American barritone - recites a Catholic prayer. Everyone, including shoppers, cashiers, baggers, and security guards, stops what they are doing and bows their heads. Some cross themselves, some don't, but one thing is sure, nobody moves, except perhaps the odd Korean tourist. The illusion of a time-freeze is so real that on many occasions I've been tempted to dash through the exit with a fully loaded shopping cart. I've been told the prayer is the six-o'clock Angelus but I can't verify this. Presumably because the same tape has been played 70,000 times, the audio quality of the recording is so terrible that all I can make out is: Muffle muffle Holy Immortal muffle muffle Holy Mighty muffle muffle muffle And this is repeated about a dozen times. For Catholics, the Angelus in the supermarket is no doubt a welcome drop of spiritual relief from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. The devout Christian shopper can take a quiet minute to reflect, to be reminded of God's grace, and recharge his/her spiritual batteries before facing the stresses of modern-day shopping, such as people who go looking for items even though they are already in line, or checkers who put 25 identical cans of Fancy Feast brand cat food through the scanner one by one, even though the shopper neatly stacked them up in groups of five with the pictures on the cans all facing the same way, or baggers who put all the heavy items (such as cans of cat food) in the same bag leaving you with one super-heavy bag that cuts into your palms and one bag that doesn't weigh anything. For the non-Christian, particularly the non-religious (such as myself), the Angelus in the grocery is an awkward moment that lasts forever. It is doubtless rude to ignore it and continue shopping, though some foreigners do just that. On the other hand, bowing the head in fake prayer seems a bit unprincipled, and doesn't feel right, either. I used to deal the dilemma by pulling out my mobile phone and trying out new ringtones. Ha! Just kidding, of course. What I would do is delete old text messages. But nowadays, I'm always accompanied by my two young sons, and they save me from the dilemma of How to Spend the Angelus. The entire time, I'll be busy shout-whispering: Hey! You two! Stop moving! Stop hitting your brother! Quiet! QUIET! Can't you see everyone is standing still? Look! Look around you! It's only you retards who's moving around! I said DON'T MOVE! Let go of that cart! Now! Daddy means it! I said LEGGO OF THAT CART! Stand still or I'll spank you right here right now! Stop whining! It's only for a minute! No dinner if you keep this up! See this chicken? It's going straight back to the freezer in the frozen foods section! I ain't joking! By the time I get them to stand still the prayer is over, everyone is magically springing back to life, and once again it's time to bump into people with the cart, knock over pyramids of sardines, and run around like crazy in the perishables section. The kids, too, will be happily shrieking and playing again.
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Contributor's Note
If you live in the Philippines, you may want to avoid supermarkets if I'm offline.
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Thanks for this humorous and interesting intel. If I am ever shopping for Fancy Feast in the Philippines, I will be very careful to stay out of your way.
The Angelus is a tradition of my childhood (decades ago.) I'm glad to know it is still practiced.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Oh yes Madam, the Catholic tradition in the Philippines is very strong.
This is the first time that I've heard of Angelus, Nick.
Thank you for sharing the well written Information.
Great read!
Keep up the good work.
Frederick
I have seen the opposite of this on cop shows. The officer yells "FREEZE" and everybody runs like a rabbit.
I love your answer to the dilema. What are you going to do when your children grow up? You'll need to think of something else. I'm looking forward to reading more of your intels.
How many store robberies are timed to coincide with this stop in time?
Nick, great intel. Thanks for sharing.
Wendy
An outstanding intel - a genuine slice of Life from another culture.
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This intel was contributed by nick
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May, 2012
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