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You're So Average... Will You Marry Me?

By Nick Radovanovic

I've always had a fascination with beauty, like most people. I've also been intrigued with the definition, interpretation, and determination of beauty. Almost all cultures in the world - with few exceptions, such as the Wahhabist sect of Islam - consider beauty to be important.

Beautiful people, especially females, are praised and held in high regard, which is ridiculous and discriminatory because physical beauty isn't something you earn or cultivate. It's something you're born with.

Beauty Rules And Everybody is a Willing Subject

When a talk show host says, "And let's welcome the very beautiful Scarlett Johannson," it's the equivalent of saying: "And let's welcome the very tall Shaquille O'Neal." It's a peculiar statement to make because it emphasizes a genetic trait, and is somewhat beside the point.

I can't help but be surprised whenever a woman, upon being told "You're so beautiful!" by an admirer, accepts the compliment with a smile and a blush. A more logical reaction would be: "Well, thank you but actually I had nothing to do with that. I'm beautiful because my parents' genes happened to merge in just the right way. It's the luck of the draw and I got it."

Complimenting a beautiful person on their beauty is exactly like complimenting a lottery winner on their luck. Nobody is dumb enough to do that. But for some reason logic is set aside when it comes to beauty.

Women born with less then perfectly beautiful features are relegated to decades spent as second-class females, inferior to varying degrees. Their entire lives, every day, they will be evaluated by the quality of their appearance, each time they are seen:

She's pretty, but her eyes are too close together.

She'd look much better without that long nose. She should get it fixed.

A nice girl. But what's with the single eyebrow.

No way are we hiring this one. She looks like a horse.

People no longer talk about someone's skin color or sexual orientation. Even discussing someone's weight is considered taboo these days. But talking about someone's looks, or lack thereof, is considered normal.

For important public roles, such as presentations, it isn't considered odd at all to choose a candidate based primarily on her physical attractiveness. I've seen numerous cases where the originally scheduled presenter was replaced with a better-looking one, with nary a murmur from anyone, not even the supplanted woman. It's as if, fully aware that she is less beautiful, she acknowledges her natural place in the order of things to be in the wings and out of sight.

Apart from muted protests whenever Miss Universe or Miss World takes place, society is completely at ease with the notion of showering those born beautiful with praise, while heaping abuse, jokes, and worst of all - utter disregard - on those born less than perfect.

For reasons I haven't been able to figure out, there seems to be no simmering resentment whatsoever on the part of the vast majority of females against this universal obsession with facial genetics. There is no outcry against the pervasive discrimination against those who aren't beautiful. One hears platitudes such as "everyone is beautiful," but everyone doesn't make it onto billboards or shampoo commercials, even if she has amazing hair.

And take note, a statement such as "everyone is beautiful" doesn't dispute the perceived importance of beauty. "Everyone is beautiful" means "beauty is important and it's OK to obsess about it, and if you aren't beautiful you can still think of yourself as being beautiful in some vague and unspecified way."

The majority of women haven't a snowball's chance in hell of working as a model, no matter how hard they work at it. And yet, rather than resentment, they seem to harbor an unabashed and slavish desire to imitate and emulate beautiful people. The vast plain majority seem to have accepted their fate with a meekness and submissiveness that is difficult to comprehend.

Why hasn't anyone taken a stand against facial discrimination? As far as I know, there never has been a CEO who insisted on using an ugly model for an advertising campaign. Or perhaps there was, and he or she was bludgeoned to death by furious shareholders, managers, and production staff.

Hollywood has put blacks and gays in leading roles when society wasn't ready. But has there been any non-beautiful woman in a leading role? What are the chances of seeing this girl or this girl (2nd and 3rd photos below) in a big-budget movie? Currently, zero, because acting talent is only half of the equation. The other half is facial bone structure and musculature.

What Makes a Beautiful Face Beautiful?

So how is beauty defined? What makes one face godly, and another dogly? What is the magic formula which identifies the 3 percent of women destined for fame, fortune, and wealthy husbands?

While almost everyone can easily identify beauty, few can define it.

Years ago, I kept coming across studies which said it was all about the symmetry of the facial features and the flawlessness of the skin. Even back in the eighties, I knew that was nonsense. Symmetry and good skin might help, but their are plenty of people with asymmetrical faces who are attractive. Asymmetry of the face is caused when the infant's face is compressed during childbirth, and everybody who wasn't born by caesarian section is asymmetrical to a degree.

Moreover, while it helps for a beautiful face to have flawless skin, a woman can have beautiful features even if she happens to be suffering from an outburst of acne. Everyone can tell that she'd be considered a pageant-winner without the pimples.

I recently discovered the real answer to what makes a woman's face beautiful. I know what makes a woman a 'ten' as opposed to being just average.

It turns out that the beautiful face is, actually, the average face.

A couple of researchers affiliated with the University of Aberdeen, Ben Jones and Lisa DeBruine, put up a website driven by face averaging software, called PsychoMorph. The software combines faces to obtain the average face by identifying points on the face, mathematically determining the average, and then squeezing the features into the resulting framework (details here).

The resulting faces were all head-turners (see first below). The more faces are combined to form the average (and the more average the result), the prettier the result is, but surprisingly few 'average' faces are needed to produce a stunning average.

I didn't believe this so I tried it myself. Face Research provide an online demo you can play with. The online demo provides a large number of portraits of men and women of mixed ethnic backgrounds you can choose from. I picked the most hideous creatures available - and they have some real dogs on the site, I think intentionally - and averaged them out. The results were trophy wife material each and every time.

You can try this yourself. Go to the demo, and pick a few faces, the click on "View Average" and wait a few seconds.

Conclusion: next time you see a beautiful person, compliment her not on her beauty. Compliment her on her skills, tenacity, or achievements. If you must mention her looks, compliment her on her averageness.

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Very thought provoking, Nick. I do think beauty is over rated. If you watch British films, many of the actors and actresses are not stunningly pretty. They are just very talented that we hardly notice if they are physically beautiful or not. Many men prefer ample sized women debunking the myth of the slender figure. And all appreciate someone who is easy on the eye but beyond that, we look for those qualities that are easy on the spirit. Great intel.

Thanks for the comment Doctora, but I'll take it with a grain of salt coming from someone as pretty as yourself.

I will definitely check out more British films.

Extremely interesting Intel Nick. I guess we all want to fit in that so called 'beautiful' group,(Elizabeth Taylor, Cathrine Zeeta Jones, Marilyn Munroe, Princess Dianna etc) however, we don't know most of the people in this group and despite the media hype how do we know if they are truly beautiful inside. If we look back into history some of the so called beautiful women were only beautiful to the standards of the day and to look at them today they may well not fit into the beautiful people group.

As they say, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" just sit and watch the couples walk by in your local shopping center and you will see that the above statement is absolutely true and it applies to both men and women.
Well Done Nick

That's true, beauty is in the eye of the beholder... which has been influenced by the standards of the day. You're absolutely right. Thanks for commenting.

This intel is commendable. It is rationalizing and consoling to some of us who are 'ugly'.

Let me add, however, that beauty is also as viewed by culture and civilization. Time it was in Nigeria when a 'fatty' woman was considered beautiful. Indeed, a spinster was prepared for marriage in the Eastern part of Nigeria by putting her in the 'fattening room' prior to her wedding day. That practice has drastically waned nowadays.

May I also add that some natural beauties not maintained and nurtured by certain 'artificialities' like proper feeding, exercise, fashion and comportment might end up in the category of 'below average'.

In that case, I thank my lucky stars that I wasn't born as a female ectomorph in the Nigeria of times gone by! And you are absolutely right, as usual, comportment is of paramount importance - the good thing about comportment is that it can be acquired, and pity for those who waste enviable features by failing to learn proper comportment.

It's always great to receive a comment from the wise man of Nigeria. I would have thought the entire country is glued to the television as polling results come in.

You know, I agree - it's waaay too long for a web article. I forgot to put on my "mean and ruthless editor" hat when I was done with it. Thanks for reading!

I read this with a knawing feeling in my stomach. I was the only girl among five brothers. Although I knew mum loved me, she never told me that I was pretty, beautiful or a plain Jane, for that matter. Only on her deathbed did she take my hand and tell me that I was her beautiful girl. As a result of this, I have always had a very low opinion of my looks. Even though, now I can reason on why mum did this, sometimes it is nice to have someone tell you that you are beautiful (even if you are not).

Thanks for sharing this innermost anecdote. Hmmm. Girls do love being told they are pretty, I suppose that's undeniable. It's probably genetic. I wouldn't know what to do if I had a daughter. Telling her: "You're daddy's pwetty pwetty princess, oh yes you are" would be the correct thing to do emotionally but send the wrong message about what values are important. I'm spared from the dilemma, thank God, because I only have boys.

I appreciate the proposal Nick but I am gonna have to say no. Nothing personal you understand but my wife has this strict rule that I can't marry anyone else.

Oh, but you're far from average. Looking forward to your intel about your rock'n'roll days.

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